“Terry loved candlelight dinners and red wine. It was a nice contrast from work. And killing people.”

Here are some more quotes from the short story collection Everyday Psychopaths

A KILLER DATE

“You are so beautiful, I could eat you,” he said.
And it was true. Her smile was as intoxicating as the wine. And he could eat her.

“You have really nice teeth,” Terry said and thought they could be excellent for his collection of exquisite human body parts.

Won’t this guy just shut the fuck up, thought Terry. Soon he was going to have to kill him

“You sick bastard,” she said.
“Yes, I guess you could call me that.” Terry replied.

THE DEVELOPMENT TALK

He was a strange mix of Heinrich Himmler and Barney the Dinosaur.
Nobody liked him.

He gave Jasper a look of…yes what was that look? Amusement, malice or constipation?

Jasper pictured his manager breaking out into evil movie villain laughter as soon as he left the room.

“A perfectionist,” Stephen repeated. On his lips the word seemed to taste of excrement.

THE WORST/BEST DAY OF MY LIFE

Things like people jumping head in line doesn’t happen without a reason. Or a treason.

No matter how many tapes of whale sounds I listened to, I made Hitler look like a hippie.

I guess all my afternoon beers and burgers were catching up with me, which made me want to scream THEN WHY NOT MY HAIR!?

The only thing which really seemed to pay off in life, if you went by Mary Pedersen’s example, was sleeping with your superiors.

“The “guys” in our IT-department had very few human traits.”

I have never liked expressions that involve fruit except for the word “melons”

She said this like she had climbed Mount Everest. It didn’t surprise me she had gone through a lot…of sex.

That casserole tasted like mashed-up sewage rat and I knew I couldn’t force that down one more time, even if it was chased by a pint of beer.

Buy Everyday Psychopaths for 99 cents at Amazon.com