A/B-Testing Book Covers

HOLLYWOOD ASS HollywoodASScover3
Here you have two covers of the same novel, my Hollywood love story called Hollywood Ass.

Despite positive reviews and feedback, it hasn’t really taken off in sales, the way The Wake-Up Call did, so I decided to put my online marketing cap on (an indie author is really like a  one marketing man band) and A/B-test two different book covers.

Since Amazon doesn’t allow you to see traffic to your book page or any kind of conversion figures, everything boils down to sales and setting up short links to bit.ly – but I hope I can still see a positive or negative pattern and be able to compare the two.

The funny thing is that as an independent author, one of the perks is that you don’t have to compromise with your publisher’s wishes. You are your publisher, marketing machine, agent etc. But you’re obviously still a slave to sales. Because if nobody is downloading/reading your book, what’s the point of it?

So you fiddle around with different things like book covers, descriptions, blurbs, reviews. You buy media space on different sites and networks. You stay active on Goodreads, you take an outrageously attractive author photo, and you hope to see your numbers spike.

We have to use the weapons given to us. That’s the name of the game.

And the weapon I’m using right now is A/B-testing book covers. But while I wait for the results I would love if you could comment on this blog on which one you prefer. Book cover 1 (original to the left) or 2?

Thanks for your help and have a nice weekend.

 

 

Everyday Psychopaths for Free?

Yes, the headline is right. Right now, I’m giving away my short story collection Everyday Psychopaths for free at Smashwords and Kobo.

The idea with giving away a book for free is obviously that you check out my other books, The Wake-Up Call and Hollywood Ass.

Right now, I’m slowly hacking away at my novelette Six Strings, but I’m not exactly moving at light speed, to be honest with you. But, writing a book is nothing that needs to be rushed, it’s my little self-indulgent hobby that I tinker with from time to time. You could say that I’m slowly learning to keep my giant expectations at bay.

However, I’m happy that the New York start-up Pubslush wrote a few words about me and my books in their blog.

I’m also honored to have had business guru Tom Peters buy The Wake-Up Call and tweet to me about it. He’s a person I respect very much. I shared the event on my facebook page like this: “Honored to have business author legend Tom Peters buy The Wake-Up Call today and then tweet to me about it. The only problem is that the importance of my own books are puny compared to his.”

That’s enough about what’s going on in my writing life. On a writing-related side note, I’m happy that Lenah is getting more and more writing gigs. It’s a big plus that we share the same passions in life and can urge each other on, not to mention proofread each other’s work!

Being an independent author or freelance writer can be pretty lonely, so it’s great to be able to tackle things more like a team.

Thanks for reading and don’t forget to download a free book or tell your friends about it. My next post won’t be so much bragging/marketing-focused, I promise!

Another Nice Review for Hollywood Ass.

I was very pleased to read a review on ChickLit Pad today for Hollywood Ass. Please read the full review here. Here’s an excerpt from the review:

With Jonas Eriksson’s Hollywood Ass, you don’t need to be reading any crap about Hollywood that isn’t Hollywood.

I was impressed. Highly. Language was fantastic. Humor was intact. Characters were breathtaking. And, Oh, Em, Geez- the facts. The facts were, uh, not fictional.

Nothing reeled me in about the blurb. But when I went in to the book, just the opening pages and Jonas has me as his new fan.

Not Chick-lit. But a closer sibling, lad-lit. And a very entertaining one…

So if you want an Insider info on Hollywood from an assistant’s perspective, sauntering on cobblestones of Rome lavishing it’s beautiful people, scenery and getting chased by paparazzi, you will be disappointed if you don’t pick Eriksson’s Hollywood Ass.

Thanks for that! Made my day.

I Give Away Free Books – Hollywood Ass.

HOLLYWOOD ASSToday and tomorrow I’m giving away my 4-star novel Hollywood Ass. completely free of charge. All you need to do is to click this link and download the e-book. Even if you don’t have a Kindle you can still download the Kindle reading app for your Mac, PC, Android phone, iPhone or other device.

So make sure you don’t forget to download Hollywood Ass. a fast-paced romantic comedy about the world of celebrities and their assistants. I would of course be eternally grateful for any share! Hashtag #hollywoodass

More about the book below:

HOLLYWOOD ASS.
A romantic and humorous story about Hollywood, fame, friendship and love.

A Hollywood superstar suffers a mental collapse, her marriage is on the ropes, her career is at a standstill and the only one keeping it all together is her loyal assistant and friend, Darryl. Problem is, he’s kind of in love with her. Soon he finds himself drawn into a story that is much like the movies his employer stars in. But in real life the answers aren’t in the script…

Buy it today at Amazon or read a sample at Scribd. Print UK, Print US
Links for Hollywood Ass. kindle version: US, UK, DE, FRES, IT, JP, CA, BR

What people say about Hollywood Ass.

“Fascinating.”
“I enjoyed the book, it was funny, there was some drama and a little love story.”
“I found it nearly impossible to put down at night.”
“The pace was excellent and had a mixture of serious and funny moments.”
“Cute and funny story!”

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George Clooney – The Eternal Bachelor

On my impossibly long Twitter timeline, I found out the “jaw-dropping” news that George Clooney has split up with Stacy Keibler. The reason she broke up with him was that he didn’t want to settle down.

Should this have come as a big surprise to Keibler? After all, Clooney is known as the eternal bachelor. It doesn’t matter if he’s now 52 and Keibler is 33 – he’s not into the family lifestyle. Good to know for future women who take a healthy or apparently unhealthy interest in the former “Sexiest Man Alive”.

It seems like famous people are less prone to settle down. Why? You might ask. Well, it’s possible that the lifestyle is a little too good to pass up on. Because obviously things will change somewhat once children come into the picture. Or maybe there’s some kind of unresolved childhood trauma that makes them opt out of the “usual procedure”. I’m just guessing here, maybe you have other theories? Let me know.

But hey! Each man or woman to his or her own. If you don’t want kids and are not looking to build a family, it’s your choice. The world will be okay (since we’re pretty much overpopulated anyway).

So go George, may you find happiness wherever that may be.

I dealt with this celebrity “issue” in my latest novel Hollywood Ass. by the way. The main character is not keen on starting a family and that’s one reason her marriage is not working out…read more about Hollywood Ass.

/J.

“I found it nearly impossible to put down at night.”

I got a really nice review for my romantic comedy novel Hollywood Ass. In fact it was so good I share it with you below in full. Cheers /Jonas.

“Description taken from Amazon:

A Hollywood superstar suffers a mental collapse, her marriage is falling apart, her career is on the ropes and the only one keeping it all together is her loyal assistant and friend, Darryl. Problem is, he’s kind of in love with her. Soon he finds himself drawn into a story that is much like the movies his employer stars in. But in real life the answers aren’t in the script…

My thoughts:

This book really surprised me. I wasn’t sure what to expect exactly, but I found it nearly impossible to put down at night. I felt like I was right there in the moment with Darryl and B.

Quote from the book (taken from http://jonaswrites.com/hollywoodass/)

How could I let myself get attracted to my employer? It was the cardinal sin in the assistant’s Bible. I knew the answer of course, the fine line between friendship and work had slowly been erased and it had become too easy to slip over to the other, more personal, side. I realized I had to fix this, that I had to detach myself and float back across the line again, take a large marker and make the line as bold as possible, so as never to be crossed again!

Screw the marker, I had to pull some black and yellow police tape across that damn line.

That quote in particular had me laughing out loud. Darryl is relatively serious in his life and yet has a sense of humor that flows with his personality seamlessly.

Quote from the book (taken from http://jonaswrites.com/hollywoodass/)

A man was touching me. Luckily we weren’t in a bar, but in a Gucci store and the man was a white-haired, old-school tailor with a pen behind his ear and measuring tape in his hands. I was getting an outfit custom-made,
express charge and B was paying for it.

When we were out on the street, B slapped me gently on the ass and said, “Now let’s buy some champagne.” Sexual harassment in the work place? You bet. Weird thing was, I didn’t mind it.

You can’t help but be drawn in to Darryl and anticipate what will happen next. I included the next excerpt to just give you a great glimpse into the relationship between Darryl and B.

Excerpt from the book (taken from http://jonaswrites.com/hollywoodass/)

After our run, B wanted a Pinkberry, a non-alcohol indulgence I had no problem with.

She donned her oversized shades and I parked the Ranger Rover something like 50 meters from the frozen yoghurt place on a sun-streaked Santa Monica Boulevard. Before heading out, I looked around for paparazzi. To my relief, there were none to be seen, but they were prone to pop-up anywhere at anytime like some evil “jackass-in-a-box”. I was just about to walk out when, from the bottom of her cracked confidence, B unleashed: “You’d fuck me wouldn’t you? If I was single?”

Now what this had to do with frozen yoghurt, I’ll never know.

“Yes, I’d pop your Pinkberry if that’s what you’re talking about. Anyone would, you’re smoking hot.”

“Thanks, Darryl. Don’t you ever quit on me, okay?”

“I promise,” I said out of necessity, but it was a promise I knew would be hard to keep.

When I was back in the car, B dug into her Pinkberry like she had been on a month long Survivor-diet. I have always appreciated women with healthy appetites and I gladly watched her shovel it in.

B of course noticed my big eyes, “What are you looking at? You’re staring at me like I’m miss Piggy!”

To which I smiled and said, “I just like to see a woman eat.”

“Is that a black man’s thing or what? I thought men wanted women who doesn’t eat, doesn’t talk, fart flowers and who never let anything out of the anus, just into it.” B took one more spoon, rolled down the window, threw out the cup and said, “Let’s go home, okay?”

“Yeah, let’s go before they arrest us for littering.” I replied drily, turned the key and drove off.

The further you get into the book the harder it is to determine what you think should happen for a happily ever after, but I LOVED the ending of this book. I truly had a hard time putting it down and loved the view that we get from Darryl. It felt so real I wanted to meet these people and give them a hug!

I gave this 5 stars on Amazon and I hope others will give it a chance!

I was given a free copy of this book for an honest review.”

“This is a divorce. In Hollywood that’s as big as someone painting their house.”

Here are some more quotes and excerpts from the romantic comedy Hollywood Ass...

“When B had launched her projectile vomit, right there on the red carpet, the world stopped for a second and stared at the mash of white wine, shrimp, guacamole and God knows what else, and asked the obvious question: What the hell happened? The famous TV-presenter, who witnessed the whole thing from only a meter away and probably got some of her regurgitated food on his shoes, probably asked the same thing. He was frozen and pale, a rare look on his always polished and controlled facade.”

B was an immensely successful romantic comedy actress and the star of movies that made women all over the world go “oooh” and guys go “uuuugh”.

“Good luck,” A said without a hint of belief in his voice and returned to his Ferrari, a car that always performed flawlessly, something I’m sure he wished for in his wife.

B about her husband’s transformation: “From flower-petal-trails to scratching his balls openly and only lusting after things with wheels, what an amazing transformation! I used to feel like the most special woman in the world and now I’m like his sister, bucktooth Bree from fucking Oklahoma. I should take a sledgehammer down to that garage!”

“No, of course I don’t hate you. I was just worried about you, because the B I know doesn’t run away to foreign countries to have late night rendezvous’ with other men.”

A man was touching me. Luckily we weren’t in a bar, but in a Gucci store and the man was a white-haired, old-school tailor with a pen behind his ear and measuring tape in his hands. I was getting an outfit custom-made, express charge and was paying for it.

“No. There was only one thing alive on you and it was THAT thing.” B’s eyed travel downwards and fastened on where my groin would be, if it wasn’t covered by the bed linen.

Agent Julianne was always looking for ways to spin things. She would have been better off owning a laundromat.

I don’t know how I managed to keep calm and take it, but I did. I saw them exchange jokes and smiles and look so goddamn worry-free that for a second I felt like throwing my wine glass in their faces and leave. Take that you rich and soulless motherfuckers! How does the wine taste when you got it through your nose?

Buy Hollywood Ass. on Amazon.com

What’s An Everyday Psychopath?

hello-psychopath

That’s the question I asked myself before I published my new short story collection by the same name, Everyday Psychopaths. There’s something fascinating about people going crazy and doing unpredictable things. Crazy people are all around us and there’s at least a little bit of crazy in all of us.

Being crazy or a psychopath are of course loose terms that are hard to define. People tend to throw them around without any medical examinations to back them up. But if you google/wiki the word the following definition comes up:

Psychopathy is a personality or mental disorder characterized partly by antisocial behavior, a diminished capacity for remorse, and poor behavioral controls. As a diagnostic category in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, psychopathy has been replaced by antisocial personality disorder (ASPD).

Surely, most people don’t see it exactly like that when they hear the word “psychopath”, but the “diminished capacity for remorse” is pretty much spot on.

In Everyday Psychopaths you find three stories, all with some level of psychopath in them. They’re full of dark humor and best described with the line:

[symple_highlight color=”yellow”]Everyday Psychopaths is a collection of short stories that will both frighten you and make you laugh out loud. Warning: reading these three stories can make you sound like a crazy person. Kind of like an Everyday Psychopath…[/symple_highlight]

Everyday Psychopaths-lowThe stories in Everyday Psychopaths:

A Killer Date

This is a horror story written with portion of humor. Inspired by Stephen King. Here you find the most obvious use of an Everyday Psychopath.

30 minutes into the date, Sheila thinks there’s magic in the air between her and Terry. She can hardly believe her luck to have met a man who seems to have everything. She wants to pinch her arm and ask herself if it’s too good to be true, but if she did the answer would be: Yes, it is too good to be true, because the truth is actually horrifying…

Quotes from A Killer Date:

Terry loved relaxed candlelight dinners and red wine. It was a nice contrast from work and killing people.

“You are so beautiful, I could eat you,” he said.
And it was true. Her smile was as intoxicating as the wine.
And he could eat her.

“You have really nice teeth,” Terry said and thought they could be excellent for his collection of exquisite human body parts.

 The Development Talk

In the Development Talk you find Jasper who’s up for his yearly development talk. Jasper hates meetings and he hates them even more now that his new manager is Stephen – a classic everyday psychopath.

Quotes from The Development Talk:

“He was a strange mix of Heinrich Himmler and Barney the Dinosaur.”

“A perfectionist,” Stephen repeated. On his lips the word seemed to taste of excrement.

He gave Jasper a look of…yes what was that look? Amusement, malice or constipation?

 The Worst/Best Day of My Life

Joe hasn’t had the best time lately. His life seems to be going steadily downwards – at least if you asked him. When his hated colleague Mary Pedersen (everyday psychopath!) steals the promotion he thought he was going to get, things get even worse. And sometimes things has to get a lot worse before they get better.

Quotes from The Worst/Best Day of My Life:

I guess all my afternoon beers and burgers were catching up with me, which made me want to scream THEN WHY NOT MY HAIR!? 

No matter how many tapes of whale sounds I listened to, I made Hitler look like a Woodstock survivor.

That casserole tasted like mashed-up sewage rat and I knew I couldn’t force that down one more time, even if it was chased by a pint of beer.

And to top the collection off I’ve included generous samples of The Wake-Up Call and Hollywood Ass. where both womanizing, workaholic, narcissist Jack Reynolds and Hollywood A-list actress B possess excellent everyday psychopath qualities.

I hope you like my little tribute to everyday psychopaths. May we never become like them.

Story Cartel: Get Hollywood Ass. & Win vouchers!

Thanks to the new venture Story Cartel you can get my novel Hollywood Ass. for free in exchange for a review and you’re actually also in the draw for three Amazon gift cards of $10 each. Register for your free copy of Hollywood Ass.

It’s nice to see new ideas like Story Cartel trying to make it easier for independent authors to get reviews and get their books out to a wider audience.

 

EVERYDAY PSYCHOPATHS

A collection of short stories that will both frighten you and make you laugh out loud. Warning: reading these three stories can make you sound like a crazy person. Kind of like an Everyday Psychopath…

BUY EVERYDAY PSYCHOPATHS HERE

In Everyday Psychopaths you find three stories, all three of them containing an everyday psychopath of some kind. The first one is close to a horror story with a dose of dark humor, the short second one is more literary but scary in its own right, and the third one is all dark comedy. Included in this collection is also two samples of my novels, The Wake-Up Call and Hollywood Ass. I hope you like them enough to consider checking them out in full.

The Stories in Everyday Psychopaths

A Killer Date
30 minutes into the date, Sheila thinks there’s magic in the air between her and Terry. She can hardly believe her luck to have met a man who seems to have everything. She wants to pinch her arm and ask herself if it’s too good to be true, but if she did the answer would be: Yes, it is too good to be true, because the truth is actually horrifying…

The Development Talk
Jasper is in for his yearly development talk and he’s feeling very uncomfortable about it. He usually doesn’t like meetings and his manager, Stephen, is kind of creepy. Little does he know how creepy…

The Worst/Best Day of My Life
Sometimes one day is enough. One day can change your life from heaven to hell. Or vice versa. This is what happened to Joe in the craziest 24 hours of his life…

The Wake-Up Call (sample)
On the surface he has it all: the women, the career, and the Central Park view penthouse, but behind his well-groomed and chiseled facade he has nothing. At least this is what he’s about to realize. Find out how Jack gets his life-changing wake-up call in this fast-paced, heartfelt and funny novel about soul-searching, friendship, and love.

Hollywood Ass. (sample)
A Hollywood superstar suffers a mental collapse, her marriage is falling apart, her career is on the ropes and the only one keeping it all together is her loyal assistant and friend, Darryl. Problem is, he’s kind of in love with her. Soon he finds himself drawn into a story that is much like the movies his employer stars in. But in real life the answers aren’t in the script…

BUY EVERYDAY PSYCHOPATHS HERE